Convincing the Wife...

[Tabills]

Hello everyone. I have been a long time reef lurker. I have looked into and dismissed getting a reef tank numerous times over several years. 

 

Now that we are buying our last house, hopefully, I am looking to start a tank. Unfortunately I am having a hard time convincing the wife.

 

So far her arguments are no, not on the carpet, and it's to much work.

 

I have solutions for all of these. 😁 

 

I would like to hear some foolproof plans on convincing your significant other.

 

I am planning a IM 10 build if I can get her on board.

[ReefGoat]

I don't ask for permission. I work too hard for that. I only live one time and it's very short. If you want a Reef tank. Go buy it.......deal with the bs later. If you've got the disposable income to do it and it won't put your family into a bad situation. Then your wife is just being difficult and trying to rule the roost. Marriage is about compromise from both ends not just the man cow tailing to the wife all day. You do you my friend. Go buy that Reef. 

[DSFIRSTSLTWATER]

I started my tank when my wife went away for a week. She called while I was at the store buying everything . I was surprised cause she was actually fine with it. Just didn't want me to go over the top and spend a ton of money.

[righttirefire]

My girlfriend said absolutly not in HER rental. I spent weeks researching and found a light "on sale" and the race was one. I found a matching piece of furniture and reinforced it. Once the tank had sand rock and was cycling watching the stars and pods coming out of the rock. She was hooked. She was doing all my feeding and quite involved "dry handed" reefer.

 

Fast forward 2 years I had up to 3 tanks running and we bought a house. Moved. And setup 2 temporary tanks. The ugly period in reefing.

 

I set back my main tank. The temps came down. The uglies continued and we were at the point of breaking it down. I did a major cleaning and added rock. And her interest is back. 

[Clown79]

Discuss how this hobby is important to you.

 

 

It's a 10g all in one. It's not huge, reliable tank, isn't a lot of work....

 

Or like alot of us do, don't ask, do it or say you are doing it.

 

Forgiveness is easier than getting permission🤣

 

 

 

[Daveg99]

I go by the philosophy of it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.    Seems to work for me.  

[Tamberav]

Just put it in your man cave.... if you don't have a man cave, get one of those too!

 

 

 

[righttirefire]

So we have an 11 year old now. He was 8 when i started reefing. About 1 year or so into our reefing adventure the wife/girlfriend at the time took the boy to visit some friends in Arizona. At some point they hit up an aqurium down there. The boy impressed them all with his "limited" knowledge of marine fish and corals. Being able to not only identity species, but care requirements and where to look to spot fish which are more commonly perching or hidden in a cave.

 

Just saying its an amazing hobby with its ups and downs and endless learning opportunities and experiments. Because lets face it, everyone experiments with their tanks, equipment, fish, corals, husbandry, etc.

[vlangel]

We have carpet and I lay down a vinyl tablecloth when I am working in it.  It works well and my tank is kind of big, 56 gallons.

[A Little Blue]

4 hours ago, ReefGoat said:

I don't ask for permission. I work too hard for that. I only live one time and it's very short. If you want a Reef tank. Go buy it.......deal with the bs later. If you've got the disposable income to do it and it won't put your family into a bad situation. Then your wife is just being difficult and trying to rule the roost. Marriage is about compromise from both ends not just the man cow tailing to the wife all day. You do you my friend. Go buy that Reef. 

I’m with @ReefGoat on this one. 

If you’re working and finances are no issue, I don’t even understand what the issue is? And I don’t wanna hear the argument “happy wife, happy life”. It doesn’t mean that you have to be missurable, unappreciated to keep the wife happy. I would never put up with that BS. Good luck. 

[Tabills]

I kind of figured that's what I would end up doing. Money really isn't a problem for us, except for all of my hobbies are expensive. 😥 She's normally pretty understanding about them. Maybe I should get around to building that king sized bed frame....

[IceParrot]

Just order it and say you won it online 😆 Best of all worlds because you get a tank and she can’t complain

 

oh forgot to say good luck 

[fishkeepersaltnfresh]

We have a fresh water tank. We did have a 29gal fish only salt water tank many years back. I gave it away when we moved. 2 years back when my wife went visiting her parents, I started  our new reef tank. She did not complain. She just made me change the stand of the aquarium so that it matches everything else in the living room. 😀

Good luck to you. 

[ThatReefGirl]

Since I'm a rebel, I just sprung all of my aquariums on my husband one day and just let him discover them. Granted, I DID give him ample warning that he was signing up for this either way since I'm studying marine biology, but that didn't prepare him for having three tanks all together. 🤣 He wasn't amused when he caught me dragging buckets of water back and forth from the bathroom to our room, but eventually he got used to the idea that I have an addiction and I'm going to fuel it whether he likes it or not. Thankfully he's coming around and is falling in love with the clowns we picked out, so there's no more weird stares when I update my charts for each tank and argue about whether the Spook Squad (guppy tank) needs fresh plants or not, more friends, another saltwater tank (he's against the idea, mind you, but I'm getting another at some point once we have a bigger place. Thoughts and prayers that he comes around) ect.

 

I will say though the biggest drawback to this is that he's getting up too much in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom, but that's the reality of having your bedroom function as your fish room XD 

[1891Bro]

1 hour ago, Tabills said:

I kind of figured that's what I would end up doing. Money really isn't a problem for us, except for all of my hobbies are expensive. 😥 She's normally pretty understanding about them. Maybe I should get around to building that king sized bed frame....

Women are easy (sorry not sorry ladies). 

 

Its too too late for you to pull this now, but next time you give two options with the thing you want being the “lesser of two evils” so to speak. Here’s an example...

 

You: Hey wife, I been thinking. I’ve decided I’m either gonna start an aquarium that would look great in (location) or attend every Super Bowl for the next ten years. They’ve both been a goal I would like to achieve but I’m not sure which direction I should go. 

Wife: Husband, attending that many super bowls would be prohibitively expensive and would take time away from me and the kids. Just set up your little fish thing while I open your beer and wash these dishes. 

You: (For the extra points) You’re right wife, I can always count on you to help me make the tough financial calls around here. Go ahead and pour that beer into a frosty mug for me.

 

You'll thank me.  

[ThatReefGirl]

1 minute ago, 1891Bro said:

Women are easy (sorry not sorry ladies). 

 

Its too too late for you to pull this now, but next time you give two options with the thing you want being the “lesser of two evils” so to speak. Here’s an example...

 

You: Hey wife, I been thinking. I’ve decided I’m either gonna start an aquarium that would look great in (location) or attend every Super Bowl for the next ten years. They’ve both been a goal I would like to achieve but I’m not sure which direction I should go. 

Wife: Husband, attending that many super bowls would be prohibitively expensive and would take time away from me and the kids. Just set up your little fish thing while I open your beer and wash these dishes. 

You: (For the extra points) You’re right wife, I can always count on you to help me make the tough financial calls around here. Go ahead and pour that beer into a frosty mug for me.

 

You'll thank me.  

As a woman I can testify that this works. Just don't be like me and use going to a horror conventions every month (that just makes your significant other question everything). 🤣

[1891Bro]

24 minutes ago, ThatReefGirl said:

As a woman I can testify that this works. Just don't be like me and use going to a horror conventions every month (that just makes your significant other question everything). 🤣

Oh, it works. The official* idea is that instead of asking to do something you’re stating that you WILL be doing something. You’re not giving the option for a “NO” but, giving a choice, involving the other party in the decision making while directing them towards your preferred outcome. 

 

Mine is usually I can’t decide between an extra beer or some whiskey, and I always get the extra beer. Thing is, you win regardless of the outcome. 

 

 

* Not official. 

[ThatReefGirl]

Indeed. Thankfully my dear Cas is growing on the idea of fish, but he still thinks that I'm crazy since I like to keep detailed records of everything about my aquariums from week to week so I can see any patterns and make adjustments as necessary (I'm weird, I'm sorry XD). I mostly blame my dad for this, but it's a good habit to have I think.

[1891Bro]

1 hour ago, ThatReefGirl said:

Indeed. Thankfully my dear Cas is growing on the idea of fish, but he still thinks that I'm crazy since I like to keep detailed records of everything about my aquariums from week to week so I can see any patterns and make adjustments as necessary (I'm weird, I'm sorry XD). I mostly blame my dad for this, but it's a good habit to have I think.

Get a divorce lawyer on retainer. 

[Tabills]

11 hours ago, 1891Bro said:

Women are easy (sorry not sorry ladies). 

 

Its too too late for you to pull this now, but next time you give two options with the thing you want being the “lesser of two evils” so to speak. Here’s an example...

 

You: Hey wife, I been thinking. I’ve decided I’m either gonna start an aquarium that would look great in (location) or attend every Super Bowl for the next ten years. They’ve both been a goal I would like to achieve but I’m not sure which direction I should go. 

Wife: Husband, attending that many super bowls would be prohibitively expensive and would take time away from me and the kids. Just set up your little fish thing while I open your beer and wash these dishes. 

You: (For the extra points) You’re right wife, I can always count on you to help me make the tough financial calls around here. Go ahead and pour that beer into a frosty mug for me.

 

You'll thank me.  

Huh. Never really looked at it that way. Going to be getting a lot of goodies in the future. Buying that new compound miter saw is cheaper than buying furniture. Muhahahahaha

[jbb]

10 minutes ago, Tabills said:

Huh. Never really looked at it that way. Going to be getting a lot of goodies in the future. Buying that new compound miter saw is cheaper than buying furniture. Muhahahahaha

Much to learn you have , new furniture women like . 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tabills]

Has anyone noticed if the IM Fusion 10 or 20 ever goes on sale? I am leaning towards the 10 because I can setup a QT with it for less than the Initial setup of the 20.

[righttirefire]

I believe theyre on map pricing. So id lean toward seldom. But if you reach out to brs, marine depot, or even better your local fish shop i bet they can give you an idea. Also local club or forum maybe selling one. One just sold here for $50 all original, missing 3 of the lid clips. Included factory light

[Jesterrace]

On 2/9/2019 at 8:45 AM, Tabills said:

Hello everyone. I have been a long time reef lurker. I have looked into and dismissed getting a reef tank numerous times over several years. 

 

Now that we are buying our last house, hopefully, I am looking to start a tank. Unfortunately I am having a hard time convincing the wife.

 

So far her arguments are no, not on the carpet, and it's to much work.

 

I have solutions for all of these. 😁 

 

I would like to hear some foolproof plans on convincing your significant other.

 

I am planning a IM 10 build if I can get her on board.

 

It is work, but then again so is cleaning a litterbox, hamster cage, scooping up dog poop, cleaning out a bird cage, etc. and I will tell you what, from a smell factor I would take weekly or small twice a week partial water changes on a marine tank over any of the aforementioned.  Thankfully unlike you I didn't have to do much to convince my wife.  She is adamantly opposed to any fur/hair animals in the house due to the shedding factor, pet dander, smell, etc. and given the fact that the kids have a natural fascination with ocean life, it was a surprisingly logical choice and she has supported me in the hobby.   

 

With a 10 gallon tank the footprint is small enough that there are many options with where it can be placed (even on a dresser or countertop if needs be).   If you stick to 1-2 fish and get an auto top off system the maintenance will be pretty easy and you can develop a no splash method of draining and refilling your tank for water changes.  A Simply drain hose with a squeeze bulb and a 5 gallon bucket is all you need to drain with making little to no mess.  You can have another 5 gallon bucket ready with the new water and an electric pump that will put the new water in with virtually no fuss.  Make it clear to her that you will maintain the tank and she doesn't have to do anything with it.  Are there any smaller fish she finds appealing for color? 

[Jesterrace]

2 hours ago, Tabills said:

Has anyone noticed if the IM Fusion 10 or 20 ever goes on sale? I am leaning towards the 10 because I can setup a QT with it for less than the Initial setup of the 20.

The IM 10 has been on sale and the 20 was on sale during the holidays.  The standard 20 was $180 and the 10 was $90.