How to get friends into the hobby

[Han Solo]

I've been keeping saltwater tanks for a few years now. Pretty much everyone that comes by enjoys my tanks but I have yet to get any of my friends to start a tank. Expense and time are factors, but then again once you are addicted they aren't as much  

 

Any have any stories or advice on getting friends into the hobby?

[burtbollinger]

on the negative side of the coin...trying to prod people into this hobby is difficult and probably a waste of time.  it is nerdy, obsessive, isolating, expensive and its time intensive...I've converted one or two over the years, only to watch them give up completely within a few years.  

 

Also, if youre very honest about this hobby, youre pitching a near daily struggle with a lot of lows, a lot of work, and only momentary flashes of happiness...reefing is the chase, the struggle, and momentary flashes of satisfaction....its not for everyone.
 

You're better off making some new, reef-specific friends who understand the hobby fully at frag swaps, or here on nano-reef.

 

Also, please note that as you age...friends are overrated....many will become eventual enemies...most will become near strangers.

Having friends into the same niche hobby...very, very overrated.  Friends can be bad listeners.  They don't always follow your advice...Also, you may not want or need a deeper connection with current friends....no telling what it leads to.

 

as far real life stories...here's a real heartwarmer....all true and a great example of how unforeseen consequences can occur:  About 10 years ago when I was in my early 30s...I got this former friend of mine involved.  He thought it looked cool...and decided to dive in.  Well, very early on, he starts being a giant pain the ass to the owner of the LFS, they got in a huge, embarrassing, very heated argument over allegedly defective equipment (small claims court was discussed) and for years afterward, I got unfairly lumped in with this bozo, to where it was very awkward to enter the store (before it ended up going out of business).  

Anyway, our relationship soon soured because of this and other flake tendencies...and I never knew if he was in the right about his claim against the LFS or not...things just got very shady....his tank shut down soon after...(it was never much more than a Nanocube with a MH and a ton of nasty GSP, designed to impress skanks he'd bring back to his pad.).and I really haven't spoken with the dude in a decade since....because he became a scenester-trendy SJW freak to impress hispter girls at the local dive bar...and I grew up and had a wife and kids.

 

 

[Weetabix7]

And on the opposite side of the coin.....

 

I have several friends from here that I have stayed in touch with for quite a few years. 

A couple of years ago I flew out and stayed at one of their homes for 5 days, totally fell in love with their family and city, and expect to be friends with them for quite a while to come. 

On the same visit, I met a few other N-R friends that lived in that general area and just had a pretty much all around amazing time. 

Bout a year ago one of them was in town and came by and met my kids, and really got along well with my youngest. 

[WV Reefer]

1 hour ago, Han Solo said:

I've been keeping saltwater tanks for a few years now. Pretty much everyone that comes by enjoys my tanks but I have yet to get any of my friends to start a tank. Expense and time are factors, but then again once you are addicted they aren't as much  

 

Any have any stories or advice on getting friends into the hobby?

I often wish I had friends near me that reef but I would never try to "get" someone into the hobby.  I think one must come to that decision on their own.  Fish keeping is a sickness. 

 

 

Also........I don't play well with others. 

[Weetabix7]

4 minutes ago, WV Reefer said:

 

Also........I don't play well with others. 

 

I've noticed that sometimes Reefers tend to be nerdy individualists. 

[Kellie in CA]

This sounds terrible.... but I gently discourage others from doing anything having to do with aquariums in general.  I get too frustrated when they don't follow advice and then tell me that all their fish keep dying.  

 

If I could tell that someone was really serious about it, I would be happy to help them, but most people watch shows like Tanked and can't understand why they can't just fill the tank up and throw a bunch of living things inside. 

[burtbollinger]

1 minute ago, Kellie in CA said:

This sounds terrible.... but I gently discourage others from doing anything having to do with aquariums in general.  I get too frustrated when they don't follow advice and then tell me that all their fish keep dying.  

 

If I could tell that someone was really serious about it, I would be happy to help them, but most people watch shows like Tanked and can't understand why they can't just fill the tank up and throw a bunch of living things inside. 

this is it as well....I had this happen as well.  people don't always follow the hard earned advice you're giving out.

[Clown79]

I had friends  with aquariums but they aren't in my life now. Friends come and go, lives paths change as we grow.

I'd rather make friends that have aquariums than get someone to do one.

 

I would  never encourage  someone to start a reef tank because there should be a true interest and passion for it. I simply  can't sell that to another. 

I also couldn't deal with the bs  that would surely come with encouraging another to start a very expensive and time committed "hobby".

 

[lkoechle]

I would not persuade anyone to join this hobby.  I have had friends ask about simple set ups (like fowlr) and I have no problem helping, but they also know how much work it is from watching my setups. But I wouldn't persuade them just so I can have interested friends.  Its a hobby that takes too much dedication and has living organisms depending on you for it to be a passing fancy.  

[ninjamyst]

buy a 5 gallon tank, drop it off in front of their house along with 5 gallon tub of saltwater.  

[1891Bro]

2 hours ago, burtbollinger said:

on the negative side of the coin...trying to prod people into this hobby is difficult and probably a waste of time.  it is nerdy, obsessive, isolating, expensive and its time intensive...I've converted one or two over the years, only to watch them give up completely within a few years.  

 

Also, if youre very honest about this hobby, youre pitching a near daily struggle with a lot of lows, a lot of work, and only momentary flashes of happiness...reefing is the chase, the struggle, and momentary flashes of satisfaction....its not for everyone.
 

You're better off making some new, reef-specific friends who understand the hobby fully at frag swaps, or here on nano-reef.

 

Also, please note that as you age...friends are overrated....many will become eventual enemies...most will become near strangers.

Having friends into the same niche hobby...very, very overrated.  Friends can be bad listeners.  They don't always follow your advice...Also, you may not want or need a deeper connection with current friends....no telling what it leads to.

 

as far real life stories...here's a real heartwarmer....all true and a great example of how unforeseen consequences can occur:  About 10 years ago when I was in my early 30s...I got this former friend of mine involved.  He thought it looked cool...and decided to dive in.  Well, very early on, he starts being a giant pain the ass to the owner of the LFS, they got in a huge, embarrassing, very heated argument over allegedly defective equipment (small claims court was discussed) and for years afterward, I got unfairly lumped in with this bozo, to where it was very awkward to enter the store (before it ended up going out of business).  

Anyway, our relationship soon soured because of this and other flake tendencies...and I never knew if he was in the right about his claim against the LFS or not...things just got very shady....his tank shut down soon after...(it was never much more than a Nanocube with a MH and a ton of nasty GSP, designed to impress skanks he'd bring back to his pad.).and I really haven't spoken with the dude in a decade since....because he became a scenester-trendy SJW freak to impress hispter girls at the local dive bar...and I grew up and had a wife and kids.

 

 

What's a SJW freak?

 

Also I kinda feel bad for you. Because of what I do for a living I've got friends scattered all over the country. Not just casual aquantinces either, true brothers I could call for anything and they know they could do the same. These are people who I stay in regular voice contact with and see from time to time on the bigger jobs. My wife knows their wives and our kids play with their kids when we can all get together. None of them in the hobby though, matter of fact I don't even discuss the hobby outside of forums, LFS, or if I find out someone else is into it already. I could care less about their hunting stories or whatever. 

1 hour ago, Weetabix7 said:

 

I've noticed that sometimes Reefers tend to be nerdy individualists. 

Hence all the forums. 

[1891Bro]

I was serious though, what is a SJW freak?

 

I can think of so many ways to fill in that acronym, varying from mildly to wildly offensive. I really wanna know what it is. 

[Clown79]

2 hours ago, 1891Bro said:

What's a SJW freak?

 

Also I kinda feel bad for you. Because of what I do for a living I've got friends scattered all over the country. Not just casual aquantinces either, true brothers I could call for anything and they know they could do the same. These are people who I stay in regular voice contact with and see from time to time on the bigger jobs. My wife knows their wives and our kids play with their kids when we can all get together. None of them in the hobby though, matter of fact I don't even discuss the hobby outside of forums, LFS, or if I find out someone else is into it already. I could care less about their hunting stories or whatever. 

Hence all the forums. 

That sounds very nice.

I find that some have a great collection of real friends, the kind

you can call family and some of us end up loners for various reasons.

 

 

[WhiteWulfe]

1 hour ago, 1891Bro said:

I was serious though, what is a SJW freak?

 

I can think of so many ways to fill in that acronym, varying from mildly to wildly offensive. I really wanna know what it is. 

 

It's main use in this day and age is "social justice warrior", and is typically used in a negative manner because those who are pushing so hard for "justice and equality" wind up becoming even worse tolerance wise than those they're campaigning against. 

 

If you watch South Park, PC Principal is a mocking stereotype of such behaviour and mannerisms. 

 

Edit: hubby clarified something for me.  Term was originally coined for people who behaved this way on social media. 

[1891Bro]

1 hour ago, Clown79 said:

That sounds very nice.

I find that some have a great collection of real friends, the kind

you can call family and some of us end up loners for various reasons.

 

 

Maybe look inward and try to figure out what those reasons are? What the ####, I'm not Dr Phil. 

 

17 minutes ago, WhiteWulfe said:

 

It's main use in this day and age is "social justice warrior", and is typically used in a negative manner because those who are pushing so hard for "justice and equality" wind up becoming even worse tolerance wise than those they're campaigning against. 

 

If you watch South Park, PC Principal is a mocking stereotype of such behaviour and mannerisms. 

 

Edit: hubby clarified something for me.  Term was originally coined for people who behaved this way on social media. 

Man, this is really ####ing with me. Why would that be used in the pejorative? Is "social justice" seen as a step back? I thought PC on SP stood for pussy crushing? I'm so lost right now. 

[RayWhisperer]

Don't do it. You'll just end up resenting and avoiding your friends.

 

not that I know from experience with friends. However, I set up a reef in the office at work. Well, 2 others from work started asking questions, then another, then another. Then people stopping by the office for various reasons, started asking. Within a year, I had a few dozen people I've never even met calling me. None of those people stuck with it for more than a year. None of those people bothered to understand, read, or remember anything about reefing. Why bother, when they can just call Ray? I hate them all now, and they all think I'm a dick. To be fair, I kinda became a dick to them. 

[Nixperience]

This is a great topic. These responses have been so perfect and sadly hilarious. Hot thread ? 

[thespinningsadhu]

6 hours ago, burtbollinger said:

on the negative side of the coin...trying to prod people into this hobby is difficult and probably a waste of time.  it is nerdy, obsessive, isolating, expensive and its time intensive...I've converted one or two over the years, only to watch them give up completely within a few years.  

 

Also, if youre very honest about this hobby, youre pitching a near daily struggle with a lot of lows, a lot of work, and only momentary flashes of happiness...reefing is the chase, the struggle, and momentary flashes of satisfaction....its not for everyone.
 

You're better off making some new, reef-specific friends who understand the hobby fully at frag swaps, or here on nano-reef.

 

Also, please note that as you age...friends are overrated....many will become eventual enemies...most will become near strangers.

Having friends into the same niche hobby...very, very overrated.  Friends can be bad listeners.  They don't always follow your advice...Also, you may not want or need a deeper connection with current friends....no telling what it leads to.

 

as far real life stories...here's a real heartwarmer....all true and a great example of how unforeseen consequences can occur:  About 10 years ago when I was in my early 30s...I got this former friend of mine involved.  He thought it looked cool...and decided to dive in.  Well, very early on, he starts being a giant pain the ass to the owner of the LFS, they got in a huge, embarrassing, very heated argument over allegedly defective equipment (small claims court was discussed) and for years afterward, I got unfairly lumped in with this bozo, to where it was very awkward to enter the store (before it ended up going out of business).  

Anyway, our relationship soon soured because of this and other flake tendencies...and I never knew if he was in the right about his claim against the LFS or not...things just got very shady....his tank shut down soon after...(it was never much more than a Nanocube with a MH and a ton of nasty GSP, designed to impress skanks he'd bring back to his pad.).and I really haven't spoken with the dude in a decade since....because he became a scenester-trendy SJW freak to impress hispter girls at the local dive bar...and I grew up and had a wife and kids.

 

 

You are a veritable ray of sunshine, sir. 

[WhiteWulfe]

1 hour ago, 1891Bro said:

Man, this is really ####ing with me. Why would that be used in the pejorative? Is "social justice" seen as a step back? I thought PC on SP stood for pussy crushing? I'm so lost right now. 

I'm just going to say two things:

- I'm not touching that topic with a ten foot pole, and

- they use the term "PC" as in "Politically Correct" in South Park.

 

~~

 

As for the topic of coaxing friends into the hobby, and using my freshwater experience...  I tended to have a bad habit of talking friends out of it, because so many of them thought it was some simple, easy, magically maintained thing that was pretty and never ran into issues.  If it never ran into issues, how come I was always keeping an eye on various things, paying attention to dosing, and even more importantly throwing away three quarters of the ideas I had because my tank just wasn't big enough - sure, tiger barbs, yoyo loaches, and a red tailed black "shark" can work...  Just not in a 20 gallon tall tank.

 

Some of them thought I was overstating things, and they got into it....  Then hastily got out once they realized that hey, one really does have to do water changes, feed fish in regular intervals (and for their optimal health, you can't just feed them one type, or worse, the cheapest stuff you found in the discount bin), maintain various things in the tank (including vacuuming the gravel), and that it really isn't a simple task easily taken care of while the coffee brews.  Oh, and algae of various forms.

 

Is it worth it if you're willing to put the time and dedication in, alongside all the difficulties that may come up?  Yup, totally worth it, and that accomplishment of being able to keep one step ahead of it all (or at least on par with problems that crop up) is quite the feeling of accomplishment that counteracts any problems you might run into (like, I dunno, your tank going CRUUUUAAAAACCCCK right after you put your work boots on and was in the process of heading out the door, and then hastily trying to save what you can of that particular tank.  Man was Tyr my betta at the time really, REALLY cranky about that, but I would be too if I was just relaxing (he was sleeping up until the tank cracked) and some "inconsiderate caretaker hand" hastily picked me up and then dumped me into an unscaped five gallon bucket without any real plants in it, not to mention the water not being exactly the right temperature due to the haste.....  Then left me in it for three quarters of a work day.  On the flipside, I did try to be at least artistic with his new tank AND put on his favourite show Mythbusters while I was setting his new home up again.  I swear, that betta was addicted to the explosions.)

[1891Bro]

1 hour ago, Nixperience said:

This is a great topic. These responses have been so perfect and sadly hilarious. Hot thread ? 

"Sadly hilarious"... kinda like rob Schneider movies. 

 

Yeah had to go there. 

 

 

5 minutes ago, WhiteWulfe said:

I'm just going to say two things:

- I'm not touching that topic with a ten foot pole, and

- they use the term "PC" as in "Politically Correct" in South Park.

 

~~

 

As for the topic of coaxing friends into the hobby, and using my freshwater experience...  I tended to have a bad habit of talking friends out of it, because so many of them thought it was some simple, easy, magically maintained thing that was pretty and never ran into issues.  If it never ran into issues, how come I was always keeping an eye on various things, paying attention to dosing, and even more importantly throwing away three quarters of the ideas I had because my tank just wasn't big enough - sure, tiger barbs, yoyo loaches, and a red tailed black "shark" can work...  Just not in a 20 gallon tall tank.

 

Some of them thought I was overstating things, and they got into it....  Then hastily got out once they realized that hey, one really does have to do water changes, feed fish in regular intervals (and for their optimal health, you can't just feed them one type, or worse, the cheapest stuff you found in the discount bin), maintain various things in the tank (including vacuuming the gravel), and that it really isn't a simple task easily taken care of while the coffee brews.  Oh, and algae of various forms.

 

Is it worth it if you're willing to put the time and dedication in, alongside all the difficulties that may come up?  Yup, totally worth it, and that accomplishment of being able to keep one step ahead of it all (or at least on par with problems that crop up) is quite the feeling of accomplishment that counteracts any problems you might run into (like, I dunno, your tank going CRUUUUAAAAACCCCK right after you put your work boots on and was in the process of heading out the door, and then hastily trying to save what you can of that particular tank.  Man was Tyr my betta at the time really, REALLY cranky about that, but I would be too if I was just relaxing (he was sleeping up until the tank cracked) and some "inconsiderate caretaker hand" hastily picked me up and then dumped me into an unscaped five gallon bucket without any real plants in it, not to mention the water not being exactly the right temperature due to the haste.....  Then left me in it for three quarters of a work day.  On the flipside, I did try to be at least artistic with his new tank AND put on his favourite show Mythbusters while I was setting his new home up again.  I swear, that betta was addicted to the explosions.)

Wrong bro. The guy just wanted to crush some puss. Geeze. Watch it again. 

 

 

Edit: I just read that whole thing and, sadly hilarious comesnto mind again. 

[Nano sapiens]

My litmus test for people interested in setting up something similar to my old 55g reef tank was when they came over I'd broadly explain the feeding, maintenance, etc...and then let them put a cleaned arm in as if they were scraping coralline algae or vacuuming the sand bed.  After that, most said 'Ummm, thanks, but maybe not for me"

 

So no, I don't go out of my way to recommend to my family and/or friends that setting up a reef tank is a good idea.

[Sancho]

The weed, and booze seem to do the trick......You could always Cosby them into setting up a tank  However if you had a stash of quaaludes they have well since expired. You may want to look into a baseball bat, uber them to the LFS and bail when they come to.     

[seabass]

Occasionally, friends come over to check out the tank and get their "Zen" on.  But it's more typical that they just want to show their kids Nemo. I've probably done more to discourage non-fish keepers from getting into the hobby than encouraging them.  Sometimes the cost is enough to change their minds.  However, if they have at least kept a freshwater tank in the past, I'll take their interest more seriously.

 

As others have stated, most people lose interest when problems arise, or they find maintenance boring, time consuming, and/or gross (and neglect it, and problems arise).  A neglected aquarium is one of the more unattractive things someone can have in their home.  Plus, it's hard on the livestock.

[lkoechle]

When I had the 85,  peoole would come over and be like I heard large sw tanks are easy.  (after all common advice is go big or go home) Then they would ask what I do and I would proudly open up the stand and adjoining bookcases (my set up extended to two bookcases as well as the sump) and explain how I have automated everything EXCEPT water changes and cleaning the skimmer. (seriously, sweet set up.  LOVED IT. My crowning jewel so far) I would go through each piece of equipment and what work that eliminated for me.  Then, I would put it all back together, proudly take a step back and expect the "inevitable" "Awesome! How do I start?"

 

Reality: Their jaw would hang open a minute or two and then respond with either a "Thats a metric F ton of work." or "Cool story, bro." with their kid going "Daddy I want Nemo!" "No! I am not spending $5k on a clownfish!"

 

Thats usually how it goes.  

 

 

[Han Solo]

awesome replies people!

 

I guess the moral of the story is don't go out of your way at all to get others interested!