Caesar777's "REEFING SUX III" Bowfront

[c est ma]

So sorry, Flo. Sounds like you gave him a good froggie life.

 

Take care.

 

--Diane

[phases]

Even in the simple explinations of your day to day life you capture so much emotion. Reading your words makes me feel like I have know you for years. You have a real gift for capturing the rawness of human emotion. Reading your updates is a pleasure.

 

I am sorry about your frog. Today has not been a good day. A good friend of mine just had his 112 gallon crash. On the other hand there are no highs without lows. You had many good times with bubbles.Treasure each happy moment for it is the small pleasures that make up life.

[scarfish]

[Caesar777]

Aww, thanks, Scarsy. Even if you're being sarcastic, I think it's really nice. :happy;

[scarfish]

Welcome. I wasn't being sarcastic. I love animals and I know what its like when one you love dies. It really sucks and that was my half assed attempt to cheer you up.

[Caesar777]

That's super-nice of ya. See?--you can care! Seriously, I appreciate the effort and, to everyone, the not-laughing at me for being so sad over a frog. I'm fine, not going to completely freak out over it, just heartbroken over what really was a super-nice pet, and missing him but assured that he's in a good place now. I like to imagine that his little spirit is being set aside for me when I pass on...or something silly like that. His tank still sits where it had been, still full of water and his favorite chewed-on plastic bonsai tree, and I keep looking back expecting to see him there, even as I write this up. But I'm left with the fond memory of his companionship, and can recall whenever I'd like all the fun times we had. And that's nice.

[halfpint]

Hey Flo, so I don't feel like reading 606 posts to see how your tank is going. That means I must ask, "How is your tank going?" Any updates? New photos? Did I see you're setting up a corner tank? If so, post pics please!

[Weetabix7]

Hey Flo, so I don't feel like reading 606 posts to see how your tank is going. That means I must ask, "How is your tank going?" Any updates? New photos? Did I see you're setting up a corner tank? If so, post pics please!

 

She doesn't have it anymore, it was taken down a few months ago.

Now we just kinda come here to hang out and chat with her a bit.

 

Good Morning Flo!

[Caesar777]

O hai Halfie & Weetie. Lolz no tank anymore. In fact, all I have left for pets are my freshwater planted tank, my newts, my vine snakes that I'm going to have to give away because of my hospital thing making it difficult, and my two ball pythons, one of which is the boss's for his nephew and I'm going to have to give to him, and give away the other on Craigslist. I gave away my tortoise and my dwarf seahorses as well. We even had to give away the black Persian cat, Amy, because her peeing-on-stuff issues remained unresolved and it was becoming a multiple-daily habit that my family couldn't deal with. She's been relinquished to the shelter where we got her many years ago, and hopefully she'll be okay. But I'm doubtful...and sad. We had no choice; we'd tried everything, and finally gave up. It took two years to make that decision. The house was too hectic for her, and she couldn't handle it. She was more high-strung than I am.

 

I still have my poodle, at least, and he's been a real doll. He still remembers my boot-camp from when my parents were on vacation a couple months ago and snaps to attention when I use the "omg you're being super-bad for not listening to me" tone. He even recalls some of the rules I taught him, despite my parents consistently letting him break them. My lease is up in a month and a half, so hopefully I can find a place that will allow pets...or I'll just get a doctor's note a month after signing saying I need him for companionship and yadda yadda.

 

So anyhow, life's been better. I've needed to simplify and I'll have to continue to do so if I'm going to stay sane.

[Caesar777]

Well, I missed my chance on the baby Sepia bandensis, which really got to me, but it was my own fault for waiting for too long. But then, that in itself wasn't my fault because of all the ###### going on in my brain. I'm not sure if I noted that (about the cuttlefish) here, since I'm posting from page one. But I've made another realization, and I feel a need to post it somewhere. Here is fine; it's my thread. I took out some parts that are a little personal (I sent this message to a friend regarding a situation I don't want everyone to read about; no it's not suicide).

 

Sh++, I ought to at least try. I'm making myself crazy just thinking about it, and I'm just so

++++ ++ +++

now and really think

+++ +++++ ++ ++++

... Hopefully it's not just my newly-discovered habit of obsessing over things, or

++++++++++

, but I've pretty much always

+++++ +++ [giant chunk removed here]

I remember him telling me that a good year ago. Well, a little less. So maybe

+++ +++++++ ++ ++ +++ +++

.... But see, I overanalyze, overthink, over-elaborate everything into some crazy blown-up situation but that's it, I'm sitting him down to [do what I have to do], keep my cool, not be insane like

[giant chunk removed here]

And if it doesn't work either, then so be it. But [this] is a gem that I just don't want to lose over my own insanity, and I HAVE to TRY. Otherwise I'd keep thinking about it, "the soup that got away" like on The Family Guy (LOLOL look that up),

[giant chunk removed here]

.. I'm psyched up.. It'll be scary but I have to do it. Have to! Yes! I might be really let down and I'll probably cry about it but that's life; should I let Fear hold me back as I always have, allow It to keep me from even trying things because of possible repercussions? Fear is an entity that's controlled my life for far too long, left me lonely and having missed out on so many opportunities because of It, and I've had enough. Yesterday I almost carved it into my arm with a square razor, but fought it hard, realized that I don't need to see it to remember, don't need a socially-awkward memento to tell me to kick Fear in its stupid ass and to LIVE LIFE and LET myself be HAPPY. Yeah, it's scary, but FUCX FEAR! It's just chemicals in my brain, and I have more of It than most but that doesn't mean I should give up! [Thanks to everyone who's been there for me] because I was honestly so down and out a few months ago that I was ready to

+++ ++ +++

, all because of Fear's death-grip, grinding Its teeth as it growled in my ear that I was hopeless and useless, and I believed Its lies! I can sit in my room all day, alone, like my tomb, or I can TRY and enjoy things...and I will. I live in dreams and not in real life because of Fear, and it reminds me of a quote I recalled all through middle school, something along the lines of "There is nothing wrong with dreaming of castles in the sky; it's when one attempts to make these dreams real that the problems begin". Something like that. Maybe I've already told you that....but it's what held me back. Failure sucks when you try to hard and it's not enough, but what's worse is melting away because you don't even bother. Anyway.... It's already Thursday. I'm happy.

[giant chunk removed here]

But I hope.... I just need to keep remembering: FEAR is only False Emergencies Appearing Real. They feel so real, but they're just chemicals.... just chemicals....

 

<3

 

PS Anyone who wants to call me Emo, omg God forbid a person in their early 20's with a lifetime of extreme anxiety have some kind of struggle, k?

[fiction101]

Do you have any photo's of your newts? I use to have a tank with firebelly newts (I think that's what their called) until they climbed out of the tank and went right into my heater vent.

[Caesar777]

I have only some crappy ones, but you're right, I ought to get some photos. Would have taken photos of their BABIES (did I mention I found FOUR babies?! Two 1cm front-legs-only, two larger 1.5cm all-four-legs-but-still-with-gills) but it was during a hectic move that I found them. I have two firebellies and two Easterns, and while the firebellies are quite healthy and robust, the Easterns are a little thin, particularly the female. I plan to get some worming medication because that must be what it was. Come to think of it, I got them off a guy on Craigslist that was feeding them--ick--DRIED TUBIFEX WORMS. Basically bacteria farms right there, they live in raw sewage and cesspools and are simply collected (not from raw sewage but from the latter for sure) and are a terrible food source; even freeze-dried I don't trust their purity, much less their nutritional quality. Maybe I ought to use some antibiotics, but I hate to use them all willy-nilly. I'll contact some amphibian sources for more information on what would be best. She IS eating, which is key--they stop eating, they're done for, ~99% of the time [ime] nothing gets them eating--but stays thin.

[Weetabix7]

So good to hear something from you Flo.

Hang in there, I'm pulling for you and praying for you.

[Caesar777]

OKAY NEWTS. 11-GALLON VIA AQUA SETUP, COOL ROUNDED FRONT CORNERS. THE BLACK ONES WERE HIDING BUT THE PRESUMED FEMALE EASTERN WAS RIGHT UP FRONT. THAT BRAZILLIAN PENNYWORT (HYDROCOTYLE SP.) IS NICE BC IT'S LIKE LIL QUARTER-SIZED LILYPADS. ALSO A SMALL AMAZON SWORD IN THERE SPROUTED OFF THE BIG'NS IN MY PLANTED 54 CORNER (TEMPORARILY A 40 VIA-AQUA SETUP BC OF SPACE AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE FOR MY TEMP STAY HERE), JAVA MOSS, JAVA FERN, ETC. ALSO BIG FAKE LEAF FOOD-BOWL THAT THEY LIKE TO SIT IN SOMETIMES, ALSO THE SNAILS COLLECT THERE FOR ORGIES. TRUE STORY. THE SUBSTRATE IS SEACHEM'S SPECIAL PLANTED-TANK-MIX WITH FLUORITE, REMOVED FROM THE PLANTED TANK AS WELL, WITH PILES OF BLACK SLATE AND A FAKE TREE STUMP. VERY NICE LOOKING SETUP IMO, LIL NEWT PARADISE. THE NEWTS' PALS INCLUDE A FEW RED MINI RAMSHORN SNAILS, A GOOD DOZEN MALAYSIAN TRUMPET SNAILS THAT HIDE DURING THE DAY BUT CLEAN UP GREAT LIKE NASSARIUS VIBEX IN A REEF, AND FOUR (SOON TO BE MORE, ONE HEAVILY BERRIED) RED CHERRY SHRIMP.

 

 

 

 

IN THEIR OLD TANK THEY HAD A LARGE LILYPAD TO CLIMB ONTO BUT THEY NEVER USED IT, SO I LEFT IT OUT HERE. THEY DO HAVE THAT FLOATING MINI ONE THAT OCCASIONALLY IS USED TO SUN THEMSELVES UNDER THE DUAL REEF LAMPS, 10,000K & PURE ACTINIC. A LITTLE BLUE BUT IT'S NICE. HINDERS ALGAE GROWTH.

[Lalani]

Aww, cute newt, Flo.

[Caesar777]

THANKS! THAT'S THE PUDGY PRESUMED MALE EASTERN NEWT. THE FEMALE IS IN THERE AS WELL, THE BLACK ONES HIDING OUT FOR ONCE, AND OF COURSE THE BABIES VERY VERY HIDDEN TO AVOID BEING EATEN.

 

EDIT: THE WHITE BALANCE IS OFF SO YOU CAN'T REALLY SEE THE RED OF HIS SIDE-SPOTS, THE YELLOW OF HIS BELLY, THE GREEN-OLIVE OF HIS BACK AND TAIL.

[BibleSue]

OKAY NEWTS. 11-GALLON VIA AQUA SETUP, COOL ROUNDED FRONT CORNERS. THE BLACK ONES WERE HIDING BUT THE PRESUMED FEMALE EASTERN WAS RIGHT UP FRONT. THAT BRAZILLIAN PENNYWORT (HYDROCOTYLE SP.) IS NICE BC IT'S LIKE LIL QUARTER-SIZED LILYPADS. ALSO A SMALL AMAZON SWORD IN THERE SPROUTED OFF THE BIG'NS IN MY PLANTED 54 CORNER (TEMPORARILY A 40 VIA-AQUA SETUP BC OF SPACE AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE FOR MY TEMP STAY HERE), JAVA MOSS, JAVA FERN, ETC. ALSO BIG FAKE LEAF FOOD-BOWL THAT THEY LIKE TO SIT IN SOMETIMES, ALSO THE SNAILS COLLECT THERE FOR ORGIES. TRUE STORY. THE SUBSTRATE IS SEACHEM'S SPECIAL PLANTED-TANK-MIX WITH FLUORITE, REMOVED FROM THE PLANTED TANK AS WELL, WITH PILES OF BLACK SLATE AND A FAKE TREE STUMP. VERY NICE LOOKING SETUP IMO, LIL NEWT PARADISE. THE NEWTS' PALS INCLUDE A FEW RED MINI RAMSHORN SNAILS, A GOOD DOZEN MALAYSIAN TRUMPET SNAILS THAT HIDE DURING THE DAY BUT CLEAN UP GREAT LIKE NASSARIUS VIBEX IN A REEF, AND FOUR (SOON TO BE MORE, ONE HEAVILY BERRIED) RED CHERRY SHRIMP.

 

 

 

 

IN THEIR OLD TANK THEY HAD A LARGE LILYPAD TO CLIMB ONTO BUT THEY NEVER USED IT, SO I LEFT IT OUT HERE. THEY DO HAVE THAT FLOATING MINI ONE THAT OCCASIONALLY IS USED TO SUN THEMSELVES UNDER THE DUAL REEF LAMPS, 10,000K & PURE ACTINIC. A LITTLE BLUE BUT IT'S NICE. HINDERS ALGAE GROWTH.

 

 

Wow! Thanks for sharing! I love seeing all the things you have cared for since I joined NR!

[Caesar777]

TRYING TO KEEP MY MIND BUSY AND DISTRACTED.

[BibleSue]

Have you started Hind's Feet yet? I think it will help!

[sdunkin]

I WANNA KISS YOUR NEWT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Caesar777]

I MADE A NEW THREAD ABOUT MY NEW CUTTLEFISH BABIES.

[Caesar777]

Managed to get a good pic of one of the firebelly newts and one of their friends, the cherry shrimp. (I've been seeing growing shirmp-babies around too!)

 

 

Check out that FAT belly!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And my dog in his full puffy ridiculousness, and laying on all the clothes, of course.

 

[Caesar777]

Another personal update.

 

I went to work as scheduled, almost--got there a half hour late, at 2:30PM instead of 2, was so hard to wake up, obviously, having passed out only around 10:30AM--and was alright for the first half, then ####in p!ssed for the other half. Cleaned some tanks hardcore to get my mind distracted. As I drove home, angrily, stuck in traffic but with my ipod blaring my tunes to keep me from flipping out on people, I remembered last night, when Bam asked me at one point if i was happy, and I was, really felt happy; just pure happiness for no reason. It was the acid starting to kick in, but it was before feeling high. It was pure bliss, in its classic and raw form. And I scratched and clawed at the back of my brain to attempt to dig up the memory-packet containing that feeling, and was able to find it. I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday, and got home feeling fine. I'm doing alright now... Calm. Not angry or sad at all, not anxious... Calm. Sure, I could almost call it "Happy", so what if

*personal information omitted*

[there's] some event that I'm being all but left out of, #### it. I spent more time with that old friend last night, the one I hadn't seen in a couple years or so, and I'm remembering the great times we had--along wtih some devious and hellish ones, certainly--and we're rekindling our friendship again and joining as allies of anxiety-stricken, antisocial, introverted people against a world Hell-bent on destroying all of us. And it will be an awesome battle. And I've realized that I can be pointlessly happy as I can be pointlessly sad.... It's a new feeling. I need to learn to make it last, to make it real, to make it work. But I got to ####ing work and did my time, despite feeling cruddy. Actually I had so much difficulty awakening but finally came to consciousness to realize that I was feeling just fine. The sun was out all day, the sky having cleared sometime during my three hours of diurnal slumber.

[SaltWaterNewb]

Newts are cool. I used to collect them all the time from the pond across the way from my house as a kid and keep them for a week or so in 5 gallon buckets. Then I would release them and catch new ones to replenish my buckets. Always cool. I would just feed them earth worms that I would catch. I never kept them long though. I have thought about doing a pond eco-system in my 75g tank but that would mean getting rid of my bichir which I have had for more than 4 years. I don't have the heart.

 

Hope today finds you in a better place. I know all about what it is like being in a cruddy mood because that seems to be how I spend most of my time these days.